TRUST

I've been given a good blow to my patience factor. Lesson Learned Lord. Patience. Check.
That's why I feel much better about my time to have a child. Because, I've let go.
But, now, I wish that this TRUST issue was fixed. Please be swift with this lesson, let me learn to trust in you, even when I feel there's not much else in the world I can trust in, or lean on, there's YOU. YOUR love. ETERNAL, FOREVER. YOU. Lord, you lift me up each day when I can barely move, you let me still be a shining star at my job and at what I do, despite the people I work with and their unbelief.
You bring us finances that are just enough. We tithe which shows one step of trust in you. We've let go, which shows another trust in you. Teach me oh Lord, what else to do when it comes to fully trusting, and letting go. I know I should still show concern, but not worry, @ least not as much worry.
I worry about me being fat, I worry about my health, I worry about what others think, and I'm not sure why I've been worrying so much more lately.
The enemy keeps whispering bad health problems in my ear, well, I'm done listening!
He keeps making me think bad and negative things in my head about what others are doing/thinking/saying. I'm done listening!
I'm just done, I'm letting go, the next lesson in my life, is trust! I trust in you oh Lord!

Why.

Why. Why do I keep wasting my life?
Why. Why do I not want to be as beautiful as I used to be??

I am comfortable--no.
I am I'm a liar.
I'm just lazy.
I keep putting it off,
keep saying when I move here,
or when I'm off work, or here in a minute.

All of this technology doesn't help.
No--excuses don't either.

God. What. Doing?

Dear God,

It's me Ashley. and Charlie. and Maggie, Maple, and yes even Mini Mew. What are you doing God? Why do we have to live here? Why do we have to live a family apart. Why aren't you giving me the child that I desire?
Aside from the child I desire, because I have given that dream up to you and your will. My place, my apartment. I can't stand it. Not anymore.

I'm in as much of a hell on Earth as I can be. My dad doesn't want me. My mom is with someone who tried to sleep with me.
She's with someone who used to take my brother by his throat and hold him up in the air and call him "fat boy." Your with someone who tried going after me and tried punching me in the face.

My brother has tried to hang himself on more than one occassion now because of this. My brother is now a mixture of drug induced and scarred for life and on disability because of these mental issues.
I wish I could take away his mental pain Lord.

I wish that Ron would get what is coming to him Lord. Why hasn't he? Revenge is yours, sayeth you, then when will that happen?

I wouldn't give up christian curtis for anything, but that doesn't mean that he gets the credit for that little boy, you do oh lord.

Please, as I diligently search, get us out of here Lord. Get us back to Decatur God. Get us a new place where we can be a family again, even if that doesn't mean I'm a mother. I would be a fur baby mom.

Get us out of here so that I can be not depressed anymore.

Please, God, what are you doing?

Show us some kind of light. Since you are the light.
I'm so broken in this darkness.

I can't see the light.

Isaiah 38:5

"Go back to Hezekiah and tell him, 'This is what the LORD, the God of your ancestor David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears. I will add fifteen years to your life"


Thank you Lord. I needed to know that you've heard me. I have faith that you have. I know that now when I'm down to nothing, down to nothing but nothings, and no's and negatives, that you must be up to something!
Mom says it means that we should prepare for a big blessing that's coming. And, even when I've doubted her she's NEVER (well, maybe once or twice) been wrong, and you have most def never been wrong, even if I've doubted you!

Proverbs 13:12

I was watching the 700 Club tonight like I often do of an evening, and I find myself trying to delight myself more in the Lord, and He gave me a word for me to believe on...

Proverbs 13:12:

"HOPE deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life."

Deferred-definition for those of you who don't know...
1. Postponed or delayed: deferred gratification; deferred military draft.
2. Withheld until a future date: deferred benefits; a deferred payment.

So, in other words, even though my Hope is deferred for God's will and HIS timing...and my heart is sick...once my DREAM is fulFILLED I will be fULL and FILLED with so much LIFE!

PRaise God! Thank you God!
:)

Ashley

Pain.

Pain. No longer will I think of you. No longer will I let you win! No longer CAN I let you take over my body!
My HIS stripes I am healed. I can't go on to define and to label myself as Fibromyalgia sufferer!
YOU already suffered and DIED for me!
I am free like the bird on the wing!
I pray against any attacks on my mom and I pray against any attacks that may be happening on me!
I believe YOUR WILL God be done.
YOUR will in my life.
YOUR grace, still AMAZES ME!
LOve,
Ashley
your daughter and princess!

Good Poem!

Big Fat Lies
Waiting for some miracle, while eating chips at night,

Surfing all the channels for the diet that’s finally right,

All these years of damage; I’ve starved, but gained a lot,

Certainly not in the fitness department; I was a total flop!

I was told the same old rules, I’m sure you know by heart,

I’ll repeat them anyway so this poem can start:

Big girls should never go to proms or have weddings in big sizes,

Wear a lot of rust and black because it slenderizes.

Never eat in front of people, you’ll look like a pig!

Keep you mouth shut, Baby, you shouldn't be loud and big.

Well, thank you for the great advice I hear all night and day.

Now pardon me if I take my life and go the other way.

Big girls should go wherever they want wearing shorts or wedding gear,

We should speak what’s on our minds, we have the right to share,

Take your life and live right now, not waiting until when…

You get one chance to go around--don’t let them steal your wind!

Stop the wishful thinking, just live and you’ll get better,

Never miss a day at the beach dressed for summer weather.

How long has it been since you felt the breeze of summer on your legs?

Not been ashamed of wearing shorts or eating ice cream with the kids?

Skipped through your yard on a sunny day or went on woodsy walk?

Don’t let those people get you down, who cares if they start to talk?

The time is now--Go evolve, knowing the journey never ends,

Enjoy the twists and turns you take, thanking God for every win!




Read more: http://www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=ignoring_the_haters_learning_to_love_and_live_life_at_any_weight#ixzz0m4tMH1lZ