Why.

Why. Why do I keep wasting my life?
Why. Why do I not want to be as beautiful as I used to be??

I am comfortable--no.
I am I'm a liar.
I'm just lazy.
I keep putting it off,
keep saying when I move here,
or when I'm off work, or here in a minute.

All of this technology doesn't help.
No--excuses don't either.

God. What. Doing?

Dear God,

It's me Ashley. and Charlie. and Maggie, Maple, and yes even Mini Mew. What are you doing God? Why do we have to live here? Why do we have to live a family apart. Why aren't you giving me the child that I desire?
Aside from the child I desire, because I have given that dream up to you and your will. My place, my apartment. I can't stand it. Not anymore.

I'm in as much of a hell on Earth as I can be. My dad doesn't want me. My mom is with someone who tried to sleep with me.
She's with someone who used to take my brother by his throat and hold him up in the air and call him "fat boy." Your with someone who tried going after me and tried punching me in the face.

My brother has tried to hang himself on more than one occassion now because of this. My brother is now a mixture of drug induced and scarred for life and on disability because of these mental issues.
I wish I could take away his mental pain Lord.

I wish that Ron would get what is coming to him Lord. Why hasn't he? Revenge is yours, sayeth you, then when will that happen?

I wouldn't give up christian curtis for anything, but that doesn't mean that he gets the credit for that little boy, you do oh lord.

Please, as I diligently search, get us out of here Lord. Get us back to Decatur God. Get us a new place where we can be a family again, even if that doesn't mean I'm a mother. I would be a fur baby mom.

Get us out of here so that I can be not depressed anymore.

Please, God, what are you doing?

Show us some kind of light. Since you are the light.
I'm so broken in this darkness.

I can't see the light.