Middle Brother Bliss

Today I get to see my brother, and I see that I still need to be in a state of prayer with the almighty regarding his welfare. I see where he's grown, and I thought he was getting better. But, a new revelation today that he wanted kept between us three but what scared me is that he's no longer taking his medicine.
Let me back up, Nathan and I have had a very hard childhood, that's no excuse for any of our actions, because God still gives us free will, and we make choices and should still take responsibility for our actions, but it may explain quite a lot.
Growing up, our parents divorced right around when I was 12. My brother was 10, so he was affected a little more than I, I think. I should say this again, dad LEFT us ...me, my mom, and my little brother. Drinking, alcoholism, and a midlife crisis killed our family.
I remember looking at my mom when I was right around the age of dad leaving, before he left and said you and dad are going to get a divorce aren't you? and she said no, they even went to councelling, but nothing helped. mom wasn't good with money, she had more interest in animals then us, dad drank, mom was a christian, dad used to be but turned out to be backslidden...mom revealed that she cheated on dad, even though he never knew she did, i told him recently that i'd never be like her and cheat on my husband, and i'd never be like him, and up and leave my family and take the easy way out.
Anywhoo...dad is very mean, controlling, loud, a military Navy man...who is an alcoholic on top of it...he used to drag me out of bed after i worked 2nd shift all night to wash one dish that i'd leave in the sink because it wasn't a sink load. He'd make me bundle up and make me see my breath in his house and keep the thermostat so low that we'd have to wear 3 pieces of clothing to bed...and he wouldn't turn it up!
He would get drunk, throw up on the rug, and walk around naked...
He'd invite my brother and I over, and my brother actually lived with him at the time, and then he'd make us leave, right after cause he got a call and wanted to have sex with his girlfriend in his hot tub, and told us we had to leave! and my brother lived there!
so, then on top of dealing with that, he drove drunk with us in the car all the time!
also, my mom went out and dated a 70 yr old man that was a nasty pervert who was married ...and he told us that we were hemmoroids, and then gave my mother a list of chores for us to do. . .
then, my dad had sex with my mom after he divorced her..and had her over for booty calls at night...
my step dad that she is now married to has picked my brother up by his throat, called him fat boy, threw a screwdriver at my brother when my brother simply asked to show him a photo, and left marks on his back, my brother got him back a few times though, he threw a cordless phone at ron's face, and several other things. he tried to swing at me one night and his son and my mom had to hold him back...he then left my mom, but before leaving asked if i would go with him and live with him in a house he was planning on buying in clarksdale, he asked me if his son whom i was dating at the time was still sexually satisfying me, and that's he's been looking at me lately, then he took me into the bathroom and tried rubbing stuff on me and made me a romantic show/bath when i was sick and told me he'd be in the bedroom waiting on me if i wanted him to just come on in.
Anyway, because of all we've went through, and because my mom kicked nathan out to save her marriage with an abusive/physically and mentally step-dad, and because he's had to live in his cars, and people's random barns, and sheds, and garages, he's tried to committ suicide here lately at least 3 times.
and now he's got his own place, he's on disability, but he's now revealed to us tonight he's back to not taking his pills again...i just don't know what to do...i will pray for his safety and his mind set...
love,
ashley

Waiting...I'm Waiting on You Lord..

and I am peaceful...hopeful, it's painful, but PATIENTLY I will wait...I WILL move ahead BOLD and CONFIDENT...taking EVERY step in OBEDIENCE...while I'm waiting...I will serve you, while I'm waiting, I will not faint, I'll be running the race, even while I wait...
I love this song, John sings it so beautifully too...it was beautiful when played in the must see movie Fireproof...
It describes my situation perfectly in everyway right now...everytime with this house that we've had to call someone regarding a loan, we've had to wait, wait for the loan office from Lincoln to call us back >>relator says>>"that's not like him, he must be sick or on vacation...">>waiting on ASAP Mortgage to call us back ...>>relator says>>"that's not like them either"...now we've made the call to the people that are going to help us and their saying they will be slow as mud getting everything done and that we need to schedule a mandatory home owners educational class..have called and left them messages, with no return call, even to their supervisor and back to the gentlemen that's helping us...
This simply means in my opinion that God is working behind the scenes to bring us the BEST situation for us...because if we would of went with the first loan man, we would have had more debt and lots of interest, if we would have went with the mortgage company , choice 2, the realtor even said that it's higher fees, well God doesn't want his children to have to struggle, especially ones that are faithful with their tithing (not perfect, but faithful) with it. He wants to bless us and wants us to prosper!
WAIT WAIT WAIT...I'm glad though, because when our blessings finally happen after all of this time, it will be a tidal WAVE of blessings, and emotions and so much that it will OVERWHELM us and we'll be able to show people GOD'S GLORY..and GOD'S FAVOR..and show how GOOD He is to those who trust and WAIT on Him!
What are you waiting for, and how will you wait, with Thanksgiving and a heart of worship and praise, or with sadness, impatience, and suffering?

Awesome!

Okay, so mom is right when she says God is awesome! Isn't he?!? It makes me wanna sing.."with wisdom, power, and love, our God is an awesome God!"
so. anywhoo...
To the loan officer who said that we needed to go out and get a credit card...ha!
to the 2nd mortgage company who said we needed to go out and get a credit card..ha HA!
to the new hope and glory and favor we've found in the right and perfect timing of the will of God hallelujah!
God has found us the perfect blessing in a way that goes above and beyond anything that a loan could of ever done for us!
this place can give us a loan, since we qualify for the low income bracket in our county, and can pay up to half of our house payments for our dream home every month!
i was so blown away by this and everyone else was to except mom, she has such faith she just says , "God is awesome, isn't He?!" And I have to agree, mom is right!
So, then our insurance company from work comes and meets with us yesterday and we can ask them questions, they then tell me they are apart of two major insurance companies, which I had no idea, cause they call themselves something else, so Bubba's OBGYN/Doctor that mom see's in Springfield that we love, I CAN in fact go to her and get with her about having a child!
She will be able to help us conceive!! This is all flooding and overwhelming me so much that it's all coming together all at once, plus, we'll be able to have our furbabies again! Our God is an awesome God!
He will bless those with the desires of their hearts!
Thank you for your continued prayers...we need them until we close on this house and get pregnant, but now I know, it's only a matter of time!
No one's NO can nulify God's yes!
God has put both in my heart and they feel so right!

New Year & New Me!

It's been an exciting/amazing/inspiring time for me in the year twenty ten...
I've had been blessed all around, I almost caught myself saying "good luck" but that's the world's saying, I'm to blessed to be stressed this year!
Anywhoo...what I began saying is that this year God just has awoken (is that a word?) my spirit, myself, and my life, and said "get up, get up in Jesus name!"...
Blessings are in store, I can feel them whelling up inside of me...for instance, have you ever heard of the phrase, a God Wink? Yea, the world calls them "coincidences" or "quinkie dinks"...nah..wake up people! God just smiled your way, or breathed your way is what happened!
The first God wink is way before the new year I'd been having pains all over my body, so I started thinking, hey I better start eating a healthy lifestyle if I want to live...so I began a regiment of natural products, including beverages...then, I told myself okay, I want to lose 20 lbs by April...so then at work a few weeks later, I hear about something called "Lose to Win" Challenge that they are having at the hospital!
Perfect Timing! Thank you Jesus for the much needed motivation that I have prayed and asked you for! Healthy competition in any form is a good thing!
Then, 2nd God wink...I read an article that says that this girl lost 25 lbs and that she was like me and had no periods, but as soon as she lost this weight, she started having regular periods again! Confirmation!!! (baby plans...check!)
We have still been sorting through things looking to buy our home that we've found, and we know that God is working behind the scenes to give us this blessing...just like He is a child.
I have been walking on every break all this month, and lunches, and walking home, and I cannot believe I've been walking everyday this month so far and that this month is almost over!
I'm now only 3 months to my goal..and several people including my husband that sees me everyday have commented that I've already exceeded my goal...to which I proclaim I am seeing several tummy changes that I am liking! That top spare tire is going flat, normally on my car I'd complain, but in this manner, whoo hoo!
People at church didn't even recognize me!
Please continue to pray for us about the home we are purchasing! We are so thankful that He chose a place to put us in where we can raise our furbabies and our skin babies when it's HIS time!
and just remember...
if you want to hear God laugh..tell Him YOUR plans! ;-)

Overflow!

God, thank you ... I can't say it enough...
so I will shout it...
THANK YOU!!!
,,,,,,,,
thank you for your love, power, and your grace...
thank you for your blessings, and for your overflow, thank you for the confirmation today in so many ways, that I just knew, and it rested my fears! Thank you!

Work, Break, Walk, Work, Lunch, Walk, Work, Break, Walk, Work, Home

Well, as exciting and scary as the Lose To Win Program is...I'm starting it tomorrow. $20...to sign up at our local hospital, weighing in for the first time, (please don't let it be 290), and it goes until April.
My goal of losing 20 lbs by April was a God given goal. Because right after that, I read in an article that a girl was like me, having no periods, and then after she lost 25 lbs. her cycle is now regular, which means she is ovulating reguarly, which is def where I want to be in order to prepare my field as they'd say in Facing The Giants.
There's also a class here in town on Monday's which is a Latin Dance class for working out called Zumba...and it's only $7 a class, and it's for an hour, and you come and you dance...and it's suppossedly a great workout and much fun.
Tonite, and unti April my new workout routine will be as follows ...go to work, walk 15 on break, work some more, go to lunch, have 15 min. to eat, and walk the other 15, go back to work, walk on 2nd break, and then go home. :) sounds good? eh? and oh yea, eating healthy.
God also is giving me a good feeling about a house we want to buy, something feels like this is our year, we go and look at the house Thursday...and God will have the final say with His favor, even if they turn us down at first. He has the final say, praise God!